cyclist's angst

Offer me a lift in your car, no thanks,
On the way home from the bar, no thanks,
No, I don’t want a taxi,
Or be crammed into your backseat,
Can’t you see, i’ve got my helmet with me?
I’ve got an alternative means of transportation,
One which admittedly causes perspiration;

Yellow tabard, thinsulate gloves,
Trouser clips on, enough’s enough,
No, I can’t take the London tube,
Applying my chain with lube,
Because in a few seconds I’m taking the road,
I’m saving money but it’s freezing cold,
Pedalling along claiming it’s alright this,
that’s right, I’m a cyclist.

I’ll overtake you at the lights,
Slow you down as I turn right,
Jump up on the pavement,
you’ll anger at my derangement,
As you’re pumping out toxic fumes,
I’m burning breakfast as I zoom,
Past you stuck in traffic,
Stuck in your 4 wheel automatic,
Me on my two wheels, grease and chain
You in a metal box, protected from pain;

Overtaking me with a couple of inches,
I try and catch your eye but your windows are tinted,
I’ll sprint this, distance to the pelican crossing,
A family crosses, so you’re just about stopping,
I pull up close, cite the highway code, the rules of the road,
You say fuck off, you won’t do as you’re told,
i shout ‘just because i’m exercising whilst commuting’,
I look around, everyone’s horns are tooting,
Dopey eyed morning drivers, fired up to get angry,
I’m doing a good thing by cycling, can’t they see?
Do they not understand my philosophy?
I don’t get why they are so cross with me,
I take a left turn, go down a side avenue,
And think of how this poem could have taken a different path too,

I could have started with;
‘I'm fooking fed up with drivers,
environment polluting connivers,
trying to knock me off my saddle,
Every day’s a fucking battle,
Petrol pumping tin can bastards
The art of careless driving;
They’ve absolutely mastered’

But I wanted to capture both sides
Moderate my anger and opinion
Because I’m a smug,
Fleece wearing, privilege bearing
Guardian reading, clean air needing,
Bleeding heart, healthy food fart,
Exercising, tory despising,
D-lock welding, Self-righteous,
Cyclist.

​