aldi grad scheme

Apply here,
Nothing to fear,
40k a year,
No particular skills required
Take a test, that’s right you’re hired
Everyone will admire,
You in your business attire.
You’re achieved the dream
You’re on the Aldi grad scheme

You’ll go far,
Shoot, take a car,
Four-seater with space for one
There’s no time for the concept of fun
We’ll remove the inner youth and,
Make you ruthless,
Sign up here,
Efforts to escape are quite fruitless
That’s right,
You’re on the aldi grad scheme


Making efficiency saving slicker,
The scanning at the tills get even quicker,
Saw job at a glance,
Took it by a chance,
Desperate to make some plans
Didn’t we say 40 grand?
That’s one expensive full body fake tan
You’re on the Aldi Grad scheme


Take the money,
Forget about sleep
You’re ours to keep,
We’ll direct where you put your feet
Your thoughts give us rewards
so innovate like you’ve never done before,
But don’t think too much, don’t doddle
Unless it’s in the aldi framework model,
Keep you well-fed
But keep you lean
Become an affordable-outlet selling machine
You know what I mean
You’re on the aldi grad scheme


Travelling every week,
Your non-crease suit begins to wreak,
New place each month,
It’s a barrel of fun,
In your bare bones flat,
Microwave dinner for one,
Prick the plastic
For your one man banquet
The ritual’s begun,
Dinner trays and sky-soulless plus,
Lasagne today,
But it all looks the same,
Mush nuked within an inch of life,
That’s right,
You’re on the Aldi grad scheme


So let’s get competitive
Take this company-approved sedative
Got a soul? We won’t let it live
Aldi are in your bloodstream
When you pee we are watching you
When you poo we are sneering at you
When you marry your love; woman or man
We’ll be the one’s funding your family plan.
Put your name down, to join the team,
You’re on the aldi grad scheme


Throw away your skinny jeans,
Denim jack and bandana
Don’t listen to Radiohead,
Listen to Ed Sheeran,
Whilst eating Danish sweet meats,
And drinking imported off brand lager
Don’t touch those classical poetry books,
Here’s a box set of joe wicks dvds
Settle down
Drive down
To slough,
For a regional sales meeting,
You’re on the aldi grad scheme

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