Man: is this the queue for the bus?
Man: are you waiting for the bus?
Woman: yes. I am waiting for the bus
Man: you don’t happen to know, know when the bus is coming?
Woman: oh, which bus?
Man: the, well, sorry I’m new here.
Woman: oh, hi, no, I should have introduced myself. I’m yourself
Man: are you?
Woman: Yes. That’s my name.
Man: what’s your name?
Man: Geoff? Your name’s Geoff too?
Woman: Who’s Geoff too?
Woman: (Pause) Geoff too Me?
Man: oh no; Geoffrey! Geoff, to you that is.
Woman: I thought you were new here
Man: I am. That’s why I don’t know when the bus is. But I am trying to find out.
Woman: what? (Pause) is that Italian?
Man: no, I’m actually from Norwich.
Woman: A lot of double barrelled surnames in Norwich.
Man: yes there are. Sorry but I’m very confused, you didn’t actually tell me your name.
Woman: oh sorry, sometimes it’s very confusing, but my actual name is ‘Yourself’. The problem I have is that I assume a greater flexibility with the idea of what someone’s name could be, because my own name is quite abstract. So I’ve assumed your name is “new here trying find out”.
Man: but that’s ridiculous.
Woman: I know, but so is demonisation of immigrants.
Man: I think this is my bus.
All short stories written by Alex Ferguson.